My Interpretations:

"You're up a shit creek without a paddle!"
1. Why would I be in this so-called "Shit Creek" to start with? The name doesn't sound very appealing at all.
2. Could you explain how or why I ended up losing/misplacing my paddle? Did I originally go up Shit Creek without a paddle?? If so, why would I neglect to bring the paddle? I assume a paddle is a tool for successful boating, am I right?
3. If I am "up" this Shit Creek, then I should really have no reason to worry. If I go downstream I should be able to nudge myself over to the shore or something before I get to any rapids and so-on. I'm also a perfectly capable swimmer.
I'd like further comments like this to be more descriptive. Here's how I think it should go.
" You have weights tied to your feet in the middle of a hundred foot deep, freshwater lake and there are piranhas swimming around you hungrily." That expresses the severity of the situation and gets the point across than the improbable floating in a shit-creek.

"It came straight from the Horses's mouth."
1. Other than Mr. Ed himself, I don't believe much could be said from a horse other than "Neigh" "Neighhh" or "Neeeeiiiiiggghhhh". Possibly even a grunting noise. So unless you're talking about neighing or grunting noises.
2. You can't possibly be talking about vomit or spit. No horses are able to vomit because they lack certain muscles to do-so, so you're not talking about vomit. As far as spit goes, most horses don't have a saliva problem except for the extremely old ones.
Why use this expression when you can say that you just heard it from the person? It doesn't make sense.

I've interpreted all of my mother's yells... would you like to hear the variations??

(angry) "MAH-RIH-SAAHH!" - Time for you clean the cat litter!
(sweet) "RIH-SAAH~!"- my signal to yell "OH GOD! I'VE GOTTA RUN! THIS IS BAD!!"
(sweet accompanied by a giggle) "Rih-saahh, he-he~!" - I want a hug~!
(short and curt)"RISSA!" - time to take your meds~!
(short, fast and angry) MARISSAAAAA!!! - The cat barfed. Time for you to clean it up.
(almost scared sounding) MARISSA!?! - wtf, where'd you go? I was gonna tell you to do something!

then there's the whispery one that is barely used that means i'm going to die and the zombie apocolypse will come and then eat my rotting flesh after i die and then the world will come to an end cuz the zombies will eat everybody then eat eachother and then try to eat plants but eat a sour persimmon and die...again.

And that was an extremely long and annoying run-on sentence~! I hope you enjoyed it!

Want to see something very pretty and awe-inspiring?? Check this out. I was like WHOA! when i watched it the first time.



Well, it's getting late and I have to go take a shower... Then I believe I'll head over to my room for a three-some involving Mr. Pillow, Mr. Blankey, and myself. ;)